No one prepares you for how physical grief is.
You expect the emotions.
The sadness.
The crying.
The waves that knock you over when you least expect them.
But no one tells you that grief will take up space in your body.
Your jaw aches from clenching.
Your stomach hurts for no clear reason.
There’s a constant heaviness in your chest—and I don’t mean metaphorically.
You can actually feel it.
Like something is sitting there. Pressing. Not letting up.
Grief isn’t just something you feel.
It’s something your body carries.
But there’s another part of this that completely caught me off guard.
The absence of touch.
When you lose your spouse or your partner, you don’t just lose them emotionally.
You lose the everyday, thoughtless contact:
A hand on your back.
A brush of your arm.
Sitting next to someone and not even noticing the closeness because it was always there.
And then suddenly…
it’s gone.
I didn’t fully understand how much that mattered until recently.
I got a small tattoo with my best friend while I was visiting her for her birthday.
Nothing big. Just something simple related to an amazing book we both read.
But when the tattoo artist grabbed my wrist to clean it…
it felt like electricity shot through me.
And it stopped me cold.
Because in that moment, I realized something I hadn’t let myself see yet:
That was the first time I had been touched by someone in almost three months…
in a way that had nothing to do with my grief.
Not a hug because I’m hurting.
Not someone holding me because I’m breaking.
Just…
touch.
Normal. Neutral. Human.
And my body knew the difference instantly.
It was shocking.
And a little heartbreaking.
Because it made me realize how deeply my body is missing something I can’t just think my way through.
Grief doesn’t just live in your heart.
It lives in your nervous system.
In your muscles.
In your skin.
And sometimes…
it shows up in the absence of something you never even had to think about before.
Grief isn’t just emotional.
It’s physical.
And sometimes it takes something as small as a stranger touching your wrist to remind you just how much has changed.
~~~
Grief doesn’t just break your heart.
It demands your body understand what absence feels like.
Jamie – “Grief doesn’t just break your heart. It demands your body understand what absence feels like.” Wow! I felt this to my core…thank you. – Hollie
Hollie – meeting you has been such a gift. I’m glad my words could help you in some way too! 💗