Pope Leo Has Officially Been Defrocked

I am not speaking to Leo at the moment.

For a variety of reasons.

It all started innocently enough. Leo and Sadie were racing around the yard, chasing birds under one of the trees. At first, I couldn’t figure out why the birds kept swooping so low to the ground.

Then I realized there were some smaller birds in the grass.

My heart immediately went into rescue mode.

I took off running.

Unfortunately, Leo had also gone into rescue mode.

Except apparently his definition of “rescue” differs significantly from mine.

By the time I reached him, the ridiculously happy-looking dog pictured above had one of the tiny birds in his mouth.

There was a brief moment where I believed I could save it.

Alas, no…

He chomped once.

And swallowed it.

Whole.

In hindsight, I suppose this is the sort of thing actual bird dogs have been doing since the beginning of time. Unfortunately for Leo, he lives with a woman whose previous wildlife experience consisted primarily of running over squirrels… and then ugly crying about it.

I immediately produced every horrified screech, gag, and other unholy sound known to mankind while simultaneously unleashing some of the most expensive swear words in the English language.

I may have even been swearing in Italian.

I was dizzy.

Horrified.

Wracked with guilt.

Then I marched him into the house.

He, meanwhile, seemed completely unbothered by the fact that he had just committed what I considered several felonies.

Instead, he whined.

He wagged.

He bounced around.

He repeatedly tried to kiss my face.

Absolutely not, sir.

We are NOT speaking.

I refused to even look at him.

A few minutes later Greg said, “Ummm… I think someone is trying to get your attention.”

I looked up…

…to find Leo standing squarely in the middle of my coffee table.

S T A N D I N G.

On MY COFFEE TABLE.

Like he’d climbed up to make absolutely certain I couldn’t continue ignoring him.

Strike three.

I snapped the picture because, honestly, would you have believed me otherwise?

And that’s the thing about dogs.

They can commit absolute acts of atrocity and somehow still look at you like they just negotiated world peace.

There isn’t an ounce of guilt behind those eyes.

Only excitement.

Only love.

Only…

“Hey Mom! What are we doing next?”

He has no idea why I’m horrified.

He just knows he wants to be wherever I am.

I’m still not speaking to him.

Let the record show…

He is no longer known as Pope Leo.

His papacy has officially been revoked.

#NotThePope #BadLeo #BirdBreath #IDontEvenSpeakItalian #FailingAsAFarmGirl