Three weeks.
I’ve lived in Arizona for THREE WEEKS.
You may recall that my last post was titled “Is It Me?”
At the time, I was joking.
Mostly.
But after three weeks of dust storms, torrential rain, tornadoes, hail, flooding, and lakes apparently attempting to relocate themselves, I’m beginning to think we need to revisit the question.
Because, people…
I’m starting to worry that maybe it IS me…
Let me explain.
When I decided to move to Arizona, I had certain expectations.
Sunshine. Blue skies. Beautiful sunsets. Cactuses minding their own business.
You know. THE DESERT.
Apparently, Arizona had other plans.
WEEK ONE.
We started with a giant dust storm that looked like Armageddon rolling across the desert.
Now, apparently there’s an actual name for this particular meteorological phenomenon.
A haboob.
I refuse to call it that.
It sounds dirty.
And not just because it’s made of dirt.
I’m a grown woman, but there are some words I simply cannot say with a straight face.
So we’re calling it a dust storm…
End of conversation.
And for the record, I’ve renamed things upon my arrival to live in other places.
In Idaho, they called little prairie dog-like creatures ‘whistle pigs’ – I forgot the name and called them ‘hooter pigs’- it stuck.
Moving on.
Then came monsoon-level rain.
A tornado.
Hail.
Flooding.
ALL IN THE FIRST WEEK.
Okay. Fine. A little dramatic, Arizona, but I can appreciate a grand entrance.
WEEK TWO.
More hail.
Except this time, the weather alerts screaming through my phone warned of BASEBALL-SIZED HAIL.
I’m sorry.
BASEBALLS?
FALLING FROM THE SKY?
I moved here from Michigan. I understand weather. I’ve survived blizzards, ice storms, and temperatures so cold your face actually freezes.
But at least in Michigan, when something the size of a baseball falls from the sky, it’s generally because someone hit it with a bat.
And I’m starting to wonder whether my homeowner’s insurance company is going to regret our relationship.
WEEK THREE.
More hail.
Three straight days of rain.
Flooding.
Lakes overflowing. Washes overflowing. Water apparently looking for new and exciting places to live – including my backyard.
B-A-N-A-N-A-S.
At this point, I feel like Arizona is just showing off.
And here’s the really ridiculous part.
I actually looked into this.
During one particularly spectacular three-day stretch in October, Arizona had 158 severe thunderstorm warnings, 16 tornado warnings, and 11 flash flood warnings.
There were three confirmed tornadoes in the state.
And the first tornado watch since 2010.
TWO THOUSAND AND TEN.
I’m not saying this is the worst three weeks of weather in Arizona history. I haven’t established that.
But I AM saying that my arrival and some extraordinarily unusual weather have coincided in a way that is becoming increasingly difficult to ignore.
Which brings me to a thought I’ve had more than once.
I’ve actually said it out loud.
“No one here knows me well enough to think this is happening because I’m here, right? 😬”
And honestly, that’s comforting.
Because back in Michigan?
I feel like a few people might at least entertain the possibility.
Now, I’m a rational-ish adult woman.
I have confirmation that I’m an adult, by the way.
A toddler in a wagon, out trick-or-treating, apparently thought I was his gram-mommy when I gave him candy.
I know because he shouted in his adorable baby voice, “HI GRAM-MOMMY!” as they were wagon-ing him up my driveway.
👵🏼
So. Adult status confirmed.
I understand that weather systems are complex atmospheric phenomena driven by temperature, moisture (ew), pressure, and other scientific things I have absolutely no intention of researching further.
I also understand that correlation does not equal causation.
But COME ON.
Meanwhile, I’m still unpacking approximately eleven million boxes, attempting to turn my new house into the beautiful, peaceful sanctuary I envisioned, and wondering whether I should have included an ark in the moving inventory.
I wanted a fresh start.
Arizona apparently interpreted that as a request for a complete atmospheric reboot and a ‘cleanse’ of some sort.
And the weather alerts!
GOOD LORD, THE WEATHER ALERTS.
My phone has screamed at me more in three weeks than it did during years of Michigan winters.
Dust storm warning! PULL OVER. STAY ALIVE‼️
I’m sorry but what in the actual eff?!
Severe thunderstorm warning!
Tornado warning!
Flash flood warning!
At this point, I’m just waiting for the locusts.
Or frogs.
Although, given the amount of rain we’ve had, frogs seem entirely plausible.
So, to my new Arizona neighbors, let me formally introduce myself.
Hello! I’m new here.
I’m actually quite lovely. (Obvi, a baby thinks I’m his gram-mommy.)
I promise I didn’t bring the weather.
Probably.
At least I don’t think…
And I would really appreciate it if we could all agree not to investigate the timing of my arrival too closely.
Because I just moved across the country, I’m still surrounded by boxes, and I absolutely, positively, unequivocally REFUSE to move again.
At least until everything is unpacked.
Which, at the current rate, should be sometime in 2037.
So, about that question I asked last time…
Is it me?
Well.
Ok, so maybe it IS me…
🤷🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️😂🌪️🧊⚾️🌊💨
